Relationship Violence
Relationship Violence
What is Relationship Violence?
Relationship violence is defined as intentionally violent or controlling behavior by a person who is currently or was previously in a relationship with the victim. Relationship violence includes actual or threatened physical injury, sexual assault, psychological abuse, economic control, and/or progressive social isolation. Relationship violence occurs in heterosexual and same sex relationships.
This information is focused on romantic relationships. The same resources can be used for interpersonal violence between roommates.
How do I know it is Relationship Violence?
Does your partner exhibit a pattern of controlling behavior:
- Acting jealous all of the time
- Criticizing your behavior and with whom you spend time
- Using looks, actions, or gestures that make you afraid
- Expecting you to ask permission
- Threatening to ‘out’ you
- Yelling at you, humiliating you or putting you down
- Checking up on you, playing mind games, or making you feel as if you are crazy
- Insisting on making all the decisions
Has your partner ever:
- Insisted on having sex or pressured you to do something sexual when you didn’t want to
- Pushed, slapped, bit, kicked, or choked you
- Threatened to kill you or anyone dear to you
- Threatened to commit suicide
Do you feel:
- Like you are walking on eggshells
- That you have to call your friends in secret
- That you must dress a certain way to keep your partner from getting upset
For example:
- My partner yelled at me for being late for lunch. It was so humiliating. My partner grabbed my arm and we left the dining hall. I was really upset. Later we made up and my partner was so sorry for embarrassing me. Things are OK now though I wonder when it will happen again.
- My partner hates it when I spend time with my friends. I feel like I have to sneak around.The other day, my partner got angry about seeing me with a good friend and wouldn’t speak to me for several days. When I apologized for seeing my friends without permission, we made up. We have a really good time together as long as I don’t hang out with my friends.
Remember, if you are a victim of relationship violence, it is not your fault. Do any of these examples describe your relationship? Or that of a friend? Do you feel like your relationship might be unhealthy or unsafe? Uncertainty about the health of your relationship can be confusing and feel overwhelming. You might want to talk to someone about your concerns.
What can I do?
- Talk to family and friends who can offer support
- Talk to professionals who can help you decide what options will work best for your situation.
If you are thinking about leaving your relationship:
- Most people find it increases their safety to talk to someone about their plans for ending a relationship before they actually take steps to end it.
- Identify friends or family who live nearby with whom you can stay.
- Think about obtaining a restraining order with support from MGH Police.
Helping a friend in an unsafe relationship:
- Let the person know you support and care about them.
- Tell them they do not deserve to be abused.
- Share your concern for their safety.
- Inform them about available resources.
- Encourage them to utilize the resources.
Take advantage of these resources yourself to increase your knowledge about ways to be helpful.